dear redding pt.1

Although I am over-excited to be going to Portland this week. I want to take the time and reflect on the Redding that I have loved over the last 6 years. Sometimes when I am gearing up for a big change I begin to become anxious for the change to happen already and then a bitterness fills my thoughts about the current situation- that being Redding right now. And that is one thing I do not want to do. Redding has provided so many blessings that there is no way I can possible recount them all. 

I came here to go to college, and YES I hated Simpson at first, and YES I thought that Redding was a ridiculously small minded white conservative over churched town. And then 6 months later I fell in love with more then one element of Redding. And YES that did include my husband. But so much more then that. I learned to love how small Redding was and every time I went to a coffee shop they remembered my name. Redding was able to open my mind and grade this city with value of people that there was in this world rather then the amount of 'things-to-do'. My time was consumed with conversation and community rather then a list of what I need to do in my day. Which by the way totally wreck's any and all plans for your day- but oh how it is worth it. 

Simpson was made up of overqualified professors who deserve so much more then to spend time on students like me. It is because of them that I made it through college. I went to school with a passion for psychology and to understand this world a little more. And I left with only more unanswered questions. But with those four years of blood, sweat and tears I can honestly say that I have a better world view. Dr. Slane gave me a love for theology, and the confidence I needed to stand for my theology. Dr. Liebscher was an unforgettable mentor and believed in my struggles when I thought they were completely irrelevant. Professor Hamilton-Slane intimitaded me to my core. And with her guidance I was able to see the possibilities of my power. Thank you Simpson.

To be continued...

millions?

If you are what you eat, are you what you read as well? The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne has really brought to light some issues that I went through a few years ago. (a side note: this book IS worth all the hype, yes it is worth reading, and although I do agree with 99% of what he is saying, there is still that 1%) Within this last week I have been thinking about Christians and money. Now this may sound offensive, but bare with me as I am still working this out in my mind. Is it Biblical to try and make a lot of money in life? Is it right to be a millionaire? And even when you are giving away some, should one person (or family) sit on so much?

In this book he talks about 80% of the worlds money is distributed among 20% of the population. Which means the other 20% of the worlds money is left for 80% of the population. I read this statistic about a month ago, and now I find that when I am walking through a book store the sight of those "How to be a Millionaire" books make me cringe. And more then that the "How to be a Millionaire God's Way". I don't know about anyone else, but I am not so sure that is necessarily God's Way. And I know, I know, I am stepping on a lot of peoples toes when I say this. But... join with me as I struggle through this out in the open. 

To put it simply, I just don't think there is enough money in this world to have some people be millionaire God's way. Now, I realize that there needs to be those of us who are gifted financially who run the businesses that I buy my groceries at. And there are those who are blessed financially and give "X" amount to the church every month. But if all those who attend church really gave their 10% then we could still exist even if we didn't have anyone in the church who made millions... 

At this point I am not saying it is wrong for Christians to make millions. I am just struggling through the facts of poverty. I realize that there is a financial class that a lot of friends of mine are partaking in right now. And for the most part from what I heard it makes perfect sense; debt is bad and save for what you want. But I do not connect the whole saving to make millions "God's way". In my utopian world of heaven on earth... it just doesn't do it for me. There is only so much money in this world, so when one person has a big chunk doesn't that mean that some are without? 

Let me know where I am wrong here... I would love to discuss this.

the search begins

As most of you are aware we have been planning our move to Portland for awhile now. Well Friday morning I woke in a panic and felt so moved to actually commit to moving...well...NOW! So it was decided over a breakfast of pancakes, that we would spend our day off looking for apartments and jobs.

I don't know if you have ever decided to move to a completely new state and huge city, but it is one hell of a job trying to make huge decisions over the internet! Hours and hours of scrolling through craigslist and google, looking at your possible next life through a window that is about 3 in. wide. It's rough. However, I highly recommend use of a great and trustworthy friend like our dear little Jambo. He has been a great help and able to say 'yeah' or 'nay'. So all day on Friday, and all evening I have been like Pig Pen over here at this desk. I feel like there is about a million little pieces of paper with all kinds of notes and side notes just stabbing away at this new little adventure of ours.

Peter is a champion and has decided to take with him his current distaste of working at Starbucks and re-live it a our new city. That was his whole intention of taking the job in Redding in the first place. Once we get settled in after a few months, he wants to spread his wings and hopefully look for elsewhere. Maybe Peets... but wouldn't it be so nice if he could find a bike shop? I would love to see him somewhere that feeds his desire. 

Through a few phone calls and emails, Steve (the greatest, and bestest) has been able to make a connection for me. And this Friday I have an interview at a most beloved boutique that I have once visited and fell in love. Who new I would be so lucky to have even a shot? We will see. Please keep us in your prayers as this transition will be bittersweet.

coffee and dreams

Today I was reading at Sue's and I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. However, not by any one thing I had just read, and it wasn't a certain memory or thought at all. I have had this same tingly peace a few times while daydreaming. I do not know what causes it or how it happens. But it does. I'm sure I read a certain line in the book that makes me glance away to think of the authors intention and it fires some memory,  which then leads me to a question, a theory, and then an argument, a second theory, and all of a sudden... the tingly peace. I am fully conscious that I am experiencing whatever it is that I am experiencing. This peace is full of... contentment? I feel so in love, so happy where I am in life, so safe, so full. I don't need any questions answered, not because I feel I have all the answers, but because I don't care to know the answers. I feel I am as I am supposed to be. There is nothing you could add to me that would make me a better version of myself, yetI know that moment I am far from perfection. And as I am sitting, relishing in this peace...I know it will come to an end. It has to for me to experience it again. For if I lived in this daydream it would  not quite be a dream, only a state. And I believe that a state of being is self-attainable.

I like that this sensation comes to visit only so often, and that it is not accessible by anything I may try. And when I snap out of this dream, I wonder; was that what people call a blessing? Is that what being blessed feels like? I only ask because although I look at many things in my life and call them blessings, I can't help but wonder what is the "feeling" of a blessing.

I know this sounds weird. But it is completely subjective, and thats what blogging is for right?