dear june,

you have been a month full of love and loss.
i have been to two incredibly fun weddings.
(that would be the love)
school has ended. creating a new sort of anxiety in me.
and of course the beloved michael jackson.
(ahem, the loss)

sean zap just moved up here. and we just met some awesome long beach friends that joined team portland as well; kyle and elizabeth palmer.
however, my dear friend ashley powell is leaving on saturday to travel to england! i could not be happier for her, as she has wanted this for sooooo long. yet, i am umcomfortably nauseous at the thought that she will no longer be sitting with me on my porch drinking a glass of wine and sharing great meals.

for one of the weddings, the felsenthal's, we traveled down to redding. it was some of the best 48 hours i have spent in a long time. it was a completely worry free trip that came complete with some of our very best friends and favorite spots. i literally walked out of my last final, walked to the parking lot, and hit the road. it was one of the most freeing drives. thus the celabratory weekend sponsored by the jensen's! and although the trip was amazing in every way, it was a solification of the decision we made to move up north. redding (the city) is no longer something i miss, but cherish it. it was a time in my life that has ended, and ended for a reason. i can longer go back and have what i did have for those 6 years i lived there. ahh the love and the loss...

the last two weeks of fancy free evenings has been full of summer salads, BBQ's, and many a good desert fruit; loads of watermelon, and there may have been some chocolate dipped strawberries... i have mentioned before that being born and raised in california has led to me to expect an endless season of fruits and veggies (more or less). not the case in oregon. however... when strawberries are in season, OOHHH MAN, strawberries are in season. this last week i made bbq'd corn on the cob with a chile and lime butter, veggie burgers with a green onion and feta spread, and baby red potatoes with rosemary. yum yum in my tum tum. most grocery stored up here have just as much organic and local as they do from anywhere else. therefore it is not nearly as expensive! and farmers markets galore! there is literally 3 within a 10 block radius. cooking again has brought my sanity back!

meanwhile, having no homework or looming papers to write...work has become quite unbearable at times. i used to get pretty antsy around the 9th hour of the day ( i work four 10's a week, a schedule that i think all of america would benefit from) because i would start thinking about getting to class in time to take my quiz. now, i start checking the clock every 30 minutes starting at the 6th hour! somehow without class in the evenings, i find my day quite a bit more...meaningless?? i don't think thats the word i am looking for, but i guess i attribute my sky high stress levels to a level of normalacy after awhile. and now i am just bored again...? not quite sure whats going on. but i know i just want to be a nurse!!! just another 3-4 more years of bitching you guys will have to listen to i suppose!

i love you all. have a great rest of june, and i must pull my white chocolate crossiants out of the oven!

off the reservation

so i'm back in the game.
well, thats my hope anyways.
10 weeks of school down, one week of finals left.
i tried to prepare myself for becoming a student once again.
try i might...
it was just as gut-wrenching as i thought.
you would be amazed how quickly one must adjust to four hours of sleep each night.
you see, i have never been a good student.
NEVER!!!
you wanna know a secret...
i skated through the first time.
got b's in my psych classes cause i had to.
and all other classes tended to be around the c...more like d range.
i have never cared about grades.
and at the same time, this is not a reflection of my ability to learn.
i enjoy school very much actually.
i love lectures.
i love reading my textbooks.
i even end up researching some topics on my own time.
most all i enjoy getting to know my professors.
and i have been lucky enough for them to care to talk to me and encourage me in my search for answers.
but those damn gpa's.
they mean the world don't they...
escpecially when trying to get into nursing school!
bleh!
so out of necessity, i have become a crazy lady who really does spend around 18 hours a week (taking 9 units) outside of the 10 hours of lecture, studying.
the tragedy...i still don't know if i will get those a's that i want.
man o man. wouldn't straight a's be nice!
i havent got that since i was in the fourth grade.
(i actually think it was straight e's, for excellent!)
i have been experincing extreme anxiety before and even after exams.
like to a point where i sit in the bathroom for awhile because i think i might pewk!
and i am for sure developing ulcers by the day.
i hate that feeling.
i hate that i know i am an intelligent person and will make a great nurse.
yet if i don't get those grades.
i may not be allowed to be a nurse.
anyways...
not to be a debbie downer.
i am confident enough to know that if i dont make the cut i can move on and choose a different career path.
i just want it so badly!