off the reservation

so i'm back in the game.
well, thats my hope anyways.
10 weeks of school down, one week of finals left.
i tried to prepare myself for becoming a student once again.
try i might...
it was just as gut-wrenching as i thought.
you would be amazed how quickly one must adjust to four hours of sleep each night.
you see, i have never been a good student.
NEVER!!!
you wanna know a secret...
i skated through the first time.
got b's in my psych classes cause i had to.
and all other classes tended to be around the c...more like d range.
i have never cared about grades.
and at the same time, this is not a reflection of my ability to learn.
i enjoy school very much actually.
i love lectures.
i love reading my textbooks.
i even end up researching some topics on my own time.
most all i enjoy getting to know my professors.
and i have been lucky enough for them to care to talk to me and encourage me in my search for answers.
but those damn gpa's.
they mean the world don't they...
escpecially when trying to get into nursing school!
bleh!
so out of necessity, i have become a crazy lady who really does spend around 18 hours a week (taking 9 units) outside of the 10 hours of lecture, studying.
the tragedy...i still don't know if i will get those a's that i want.
man o man. wouldn't straight a's be nice!
i havent got that since i was in the fourth grade.
(i actually think it was straight e's, for excellent!)
i have been experincing extreme anxiety before and even after exams.
like to a point where i sit in the bathroom for awhile because i think i might pewk!
and i am for sure developing ulcers by the day.
i hate that feeling.
i hate that i know i am an intelligent person and will make a great nurse.
yet if i don't get those grades.
i may not be allowed to be a nurse.
anyways...
not to be a debbie downer.
i am confident enough to know that if i dont make the cut i can move on and choose a different career path.
i just want it so badly!