visions

so today i went to church for the second time at imago dei and was thoroughly blessed. for whatever reason- we entered the service and i marched right up front to the first few rows and found myself a spot. in the last few years i have attended church- i have not sat in the front for at least the last 5 years. but man... do i pay much more attention! maybe it's just less to look at? maybe there is nothing but the stage to focus my attention on? i am not sure, but i do know i was so inthralled with what was shared this sunday. during offering a girl played a song (she mayor may not have written herself) and it was just her and her guitar. so simple yet so loaded. then the main pastor spoke today on I Corinthians. it had biblical background, strong theology, and a whole lot of practical application for the dumbies like me. i just sat back and was blown away with how much i had to learn. and then i had a vision...

i was running through a field of tall grass blowing in the wind. the field was endless and there was no one thing i was running towards.  but i noticed a series of very giant staggering flagpoles. (like the one between bechelli and i5 in redding) and each flagpole had a beautiful flag that whipped strongly in the wind. each flag told a story and communicated such genuine life. every flag was different and as i ran from flag to flag i was equally impressed. every flag was different and had a different life lesson to share with me. over time i noticed that there were some flagpoles that were left unattended and the flag was in a pile at the bottom of the pole. not being used. not fulfilling its purpose. and then i noticed that each pole had someone standing at the base flying their flag of a story. they were people who were showing their lives for me to see. all of them proud to have a flag. the poles that had nothing to show had people who were grey in color and sat at their pole in what seemed a bitter shame. they were lifeless and defiant. i noticed that the more flags i got to read/see the more i felt blessed. and then i came to my pole. it was at half mass. not because i didn't want to fly what i had to show. but because i was to occupied seeing what other had to show me.

and that is when i had the revelation. today in church i was so moved by one girl who followed a will to sing to us today in church and i was taught some valuable life lessons today by one man who followed his calling to become a pastor. but what if they didn't follow their calling? would i have been AS filled? so in the mornings when i get up and i think 'maybe i should reflect on all i am thankful for and take the time to identify with the salvation i have received...' and the decision i make to hit snooze and to ignore my instincts... maybe i am denying a chance for God to do a work in me SO that i can show people the freedom i have in Christ... the choice that i have to follow God in every moment is mine to make. BUT  is it a story of grace that i am robbing from others?

i know this is kinda out there. but it was a thought that i was rolling over all day. i have always taken my faith as a selfish endeavor. however... am i cheapening the story that God wants to display through me?